Tribute Token

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I heard a soft knock on my door. I opened it to reveal my mother’s weary face with a guard not far behind her. “You have 5 minutes”, the guard’s raspy voice spoke with a touch of kindness. I thanked him and closed the door behind my mother. She tried to speak, but I could tell she was holding back tears. I embraced her, smelling her sweet perfume that smells like vanilla and lavender. I would miss that smell, the smell of home. She pulls away, and hands me something. I felt a cold, metal chain, but had to blink back my watery tears to see what it was. When my eyes focused, my breath was taken away. It was a beautiful silver necklace, with sky blue jewels engraved into it. I ran my fingers over it, feeling the smooth silver. My mother explained to me how each tribute is allowed one item from home to bring into the Games. I replied, “I love it, thank you. But why would you give me your best piece of jewelry if I may die with it?” The reality of me dying hit my mother like a brick. “I want you to have it, because every time you look at it, I want you to believe in yourself like I do. I know you will make it out of that arena.” She replied softly. The amount of courage my mother has astounds me.

The guard came in, and said “Alright, say your goodbyes. This is it.” I started to become panicked, and hugged my mother with tears streaming down the both of our faces. Then, all of a sudden, she was gone. The sweet smell lingered in this dark, dusky room only for a moment. Then the smell left like the happiness that has been drained from inside of me. I held the necklace up to the window, watching the ocean blue jewels sparkle in the sunlight. Looking at my mother’s best necklace, I decided that when I will wear it, I will have the courage she manages to have.


3 thoughts on “Tribute Token

  1. Juanita, your details were very memorable and relatable to. I liked that most about your piece. Your punctuation and most of your grammar was also on point. One thing that I think that you need to improve on would be to improve your attention getter. The soft knock on the door doesn’t invite me in or grab my attention. Maybe in future blog posts you could make a more vivid introductory statement that could pull me in to the story. Additionally, you added some words that I think might be unnecessary. Where you said, “I started to become panicked ..” I think it would be better to say, I started to panic. Also, try to add more vivid vocabulary into your piece. Your writing is exquisite and really warms my heart. Work it Juanita!

  2. This was a great writing piece. It made me feel like I was there with you! Although, your attention getter was a little weak and short. Overall, your words were very descriptive and I feel that your posts have been getting better! Also, there were a few grammatical mistakes that could be easily fixed. Loved this post!

  3. Isabelle this was so great! I have no complaints. I think your use of figurative language really made this piece stand out. Also, you used the perfect amount of sensory details which tied the piece together. Great job

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