The sound of crashing waves keeps me alert and awake. I glance over at Tammy, who purrs like a cat. How could she be so peaceful, when she could be waking up to her death tomorrow? We are taking turns sleeping and keeping watch. She started sleeping when the sun was setting, and the sky was dark now. From the looks of it, I should only have an hour left until I can rest. I crane my neck like a bird, looking at the sparkling stars. I wonder what my mother’s doing right now. We could be looking at the same star. I snap back into reality, and realize everything in this arena is controlled by the Capitol, and we are in their fake, perfect world. Nothing is the same in here like it is in the real world.
Butterflies float above me, looking so graceful and at peace. I wonder how these creatures could be so peaceful, when they are surrounded by killing at this very moment. Tammy flinches, looking like she is having a bad dream. She snaps up, and looks around. We trade places, and she begins pacing. I want to sleep, but the fear of being killed keeps me awake. I’m not sure if I trust Tammy or not yet. I did trust Yolanda though, but she did not make it past the first hour. She was shot with an arrow by J.K. Notrowling, a girl from district 4. If Tammy is killed too, then I will be left alone, with no alliances. My brain is working so fast, that I end up dozing of to the sound of crashing waves and crunching leaves beneath Tammy’s feet.
The post was good except for a few mistakes, in the first paragraph you wrote “was” when it should be “is”, just make sure that the verb tense stays consistent. Also, in the Hunger Games words that are not normally capitalized are like District 4. I liked you use of similes to make the piece really come alive, overall I really enjoyed reading it.
I thought that you used many good sensory details and similes, one that I liked was “I glance over at Tammy, who purrs like a cat.” One thing I think you could change is that in the sentence, “I’m not sure if I trust Tammy or not yet.” you don’t necessarily need the ‘or not’ you could just leave it as ‘I’m not sure if I trust Tammy yet.’ One thing that appeared to me with room for improvement is your focus. I thought that some sentences were a bit off topic. Other than those slight errors I believe you did a great job writing this.
I liked this post, it had a lot of eye-opening things in it. I loved this: “I snap back into reality, and realize everything in this arena is controlled by the Capitol, and we are in their fake, perfect world. Nothing is the same in here like it is in the real world.” I loved how you put emotion into this, but it could have had a better attention getter so the reader is excited to read the rest of you narrative.