My big sister, Queen B, is so strong. It amazes me how she manages to wake up in the morning knowing she may not make it until nightfall. I get the opportunity to send her a gift from her District, as long as it is not a weapon. I want to send her something heartfelt, something that will give her the inspiration to be a champion.
I tiptoe up the stairs, trying not to wake my younger brother. He snores loudly as I walk by his room. I enter my room, and smile, remembering when Queen B and I used to dance around this room like princesses. It seems like just yesterday that we were kids, with not a care in the word. We didn’t have to worry about the Hunger Games. I snap out of my daydreams, and walk towards my wooden dresser. The faded wood creaks as I place my hand on the drawer. I slide open the top drawer, and dig through clothes until I grasp exactly what I wanted. I pull out a long gold chain and place the gold necklace in my hand. After tugging at the old clasp, the locket pops open and my breath is taken away. The dull gold seems more beautiful than it ever was. The picture inside this locket is a family portrait from before my mother died. I know this is exactly the thing to send to Queen B. I hope her breathe is taken away when she sees this just like mine is. I wrap the necklace in the silvery, rough paper required to go into the Games. Please make it out of the arena, I can’t afford to loose another person so close to me.
Overall I thought this was a very good piece! I really connected to your writing. I liked when you talked about how you and your sister danced like princesses. you had one mistake in this sentence “It seems like just yesterday that we were kids, with not a care in the word.” I think you meant to say world instead of word. But overall I thought it was an amazing piece.
Good job! I thought your writing came out very nicely. I was quite emotional when you talk about how you and your sister have such a close connection to each other. There were a few mistakes, like in the sentence “It amazes me how she manages to wake up in the morning knowing she may not make it until nightfall” when until should probably be the word ‘to’ instead. Also, in the sentence ““It seems like just yesterday that we were kids, with not a care in the word”, word should be ‘world’. Overall, you did another great blog post!
Awesome piece! I think for the first time you didn’t have any problems with verb consistency. You did an excellent job of describing the relationship between Queen B. and yourself. I thought your last sentence was a great way to wrap up the piece as well. You had one typo in there, as the people before me have pointed out, so just make sure you reread your piece before you post it. Great job!